dear human:

You’ve got it all wrong.. You didn’t come here to master personal perfection. You came here to learn Personal love. Spiritual love. Universal love. Messy love. Crazy love. Broken love. Whole love infused with divinity. Living through the grace of tumbling. Demonstrating through the beauty of messing up. Often. You didn’t come here to be perfect. You already are. You came here to be simply human, flawed and fabulous.  

 

mabel ryan

my sweet sweet girl,
You’re getting so big now & you’re making me so so proud.
Please know everything I do is for you, and I really do adore you, cause you are such a star.. and you know that you are.
So every single little moment that I cant be there to hold your hand..
I need for you to know that, I really need for you to know that if anything should happen, cause anything could happen..
Know that you’ll be alright, please know you’ll be alright
I promise I’ll be alright, I promise we’ll be alright.
Cause mommy really needs you and I would never ever leave you Cause I am in the stars, and everywhere you are.
& every single bit of sunshine just know that I am by your side, know that you’re by my side
I’m going to make you so proud, you won’t ever have to worry about me. No, you don’t ever have to worry about me.

Life is what you make it and anything could happen but you gotta get past it, you just gotta laugh at it.
You fall down, you get back up
You get knocked down, you get back up
Nothing in this life is ever holding you back.
I promise bug, everything is alright.
I promise I’ll be alright, I promise you’ll be alright, I promise we’ll be alright.

I don’t know how it is you feel so familiar to me, or why it feels less like I am getting to know you, but more as though I am remembering who you are..how everything brings me to the conclusion that I’ve known you before, love you before..in another time, different place, some other existence.

 

This vacation has been spiritually, mentally and emotionally challenging..leaving my special place called home was a little harder than I expected. When I was younger, coming and going never ever bothered me.. It actually kept me going and excited about life.

 Now my excitement lies in my family and my spiritual development..how I can be more awake than I was the moment before and this past year and a half I have gotten very comfortable in my little zen bubble for it became easy and well comfortable.. 

To be continued.. 

•still thinking, analyzing, daydreaming•

change

something I’m absolutely terrified of…yet something I crave on a moment-to-moment basis every single day

well yesterday morning, I woke up really struggling with it..so much that I simple grabbed my slippers and yoga mat & without knowing where I was headed, drove.. until I was sitting on top of a mountain on HWY 74 looking down at my little town of Palm Desert, CA.
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I then realised how small I really am and I lightly chuckled, got out my head phones, put on Willow Beats & just vibe’d out for the next hour…
I could ramble on/on about the changes that have rapidly bombarded our little life but that wouldn’t do anything but start a pity party and those are never flattering so I will be brief. Some of my big changes include:

  • being engaged, becoming a wife
  • ryan’s promotion
  • mabel turning 6 months ( i refuse )
  • house hunting
  • first family vacay to Texas; mabel’s first flight
  • wedding planning? ( a whole other embarrassing post of its own )
  • & trying to get to know my ‘new’ self while finding my old self at the same time

In that moment I noticed that I am just a spec/on a spec/on a spec and that my problems are even smaller than I am, which makes them petty and small. Not in a sense that they shouldn’t bring up certain emotions; good/bad, but that they aren’t life threatening and they won’t kill me.
& the best thing about that moment of realization was that it wasn’t forced.. I didn’t scold my mind for dwelling on the negative and picking at the positive & that’s what amazes me about the human mind/body. My body is here to take care of, protect, support and love ME, from the day my soul was born to the day my soul moves on. My mind is here to inspire, encourage and also protect ME & that, that is a beautiful fucking thing.
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#35mm #palmdesert